Calm in the chaos
I want to start off by asking a great question. I have noticed as a coach, one thing I constantly refine is my ability to ask better questions. Although I believe you do not have to be the expert in a field of which you serve others, when you do have knowledge end experience you will find you ask better questions and have more empathy. This is when coaching is most effective, especially when complimented with great listening.
My question is: what does calm mean to you?
Pause this for a moment and I will come back to this. I want to share about this idea I have had recently related to coincidences.
Have you ever noticed that you see a word, a car, hear an idea and then you see the same thing the next day and the next and the next and suddenly it feels like this is all a huge coincidence. Did you know there is actually a name for this?
It is actually called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. The more scientific name is the frequency illusion.
It can lead us to believe there is a greater synchronicity happening for us. Suddenly you are seeing it all over the place. What does it mean?
What is more interesting, is not just the coincidence but all of the patterns that you do not register. We are only seeing the things we are looking out for. The more you prime your mind by reading and writing to see new patterns, the more reality will unfold in front of you.
Recently I keep seeing the words calm and chaos. A few nights ago, I heard the beautiful James Bay song “Hold back the river” — a real fav of mine and I played it at this moment. I noticed the album title was “Chaos and the calm”. The next morning I was having my coffee and breezing through my social channels when a post by Steven Bartlett popped up and said; “you’ll never prevent all chaos but you can learn to find your calm in any chaos.”
WELL… what a coincidence… or maybe not?!…
In my life I have recently made the huge transition to leave the corporate life and leverage my business. I have a strong client base and I have established the foundations to make the decision this is the right time. But that has also meant life has felt chaotic and I feel I am desperately fighting daily to find the calm.
I have pondered this a lot because I know is is such an important part of the overall equation of living a happy and peaceful life. If I am calm I have clarity and when I have this I am creative and I react to situations from a grounded place. I want to consider myself as a calm person but when in a state of chaos I want to be measured and able to get back on the road to calm. This is vital for me in how I want to run my business and own my days.
I believe the reason I keep seeing this in my life is because I am needing to create calm in my business. I have questioned the other areas of my life like friends, family, environment, my mind, my state where I feel I have calm and drawn the idea that in all of these areas I can be in the moment, enjoying the energy at that time and knowing that is enough so therefore in business, I need to trust that all I can do each day is my best. I can accept and embrace moments will be chaotic and accept what I am getting from this that is a positive. I’m challenging myself, I am exploring new ideas and I know it can be a moment in time if I just remain aware that if I stop the thoughts of panic I can actually be in control and owning the situation. I can trust myself that if I set the intuition to do my best and work hard no matter what this will lead me to something greater than myself no matter what.
What does this mean for you?
I want you to take an area of your life when you feel life is chaotic. Be patient with yourself and know you are trying things out. When you can be aware and open to things not being always in your control strangely that is when you can find calm because you remove the pressure. You can start to internalise a state of calmness.
Start to think about how you can see the bigger picture and set the intention to preview what is coming in a manner that is measured. It is key to know that things are going to go wrong and it is going to be tough but when you take a step back and consider how you want to show up in that area of chaos, you can choose to respond in calm and not chaos. Chaos creates more chaos. We can choose to respond with calm.
So drawing on the question at the start, note:
What does calm means to you?
Heighten your awareness to see the patterns in your life as only then can we consciously be aware of what we need to change and start to create new patterns of behaviour. Only then can we bring change to our lives.
My calm is;
- Eating well each day
- Listening to a podcast, ted talk or motivational you tube video
- Having my reflective chilled playlist on whilst cooking
- Relaxing in the spa
- Talking to my mum
- Baking cupcakes with my niece
- Going for a morning when the birds are chirping at 6am
- Having a g&t with my dad
- Having the candles on in the evening
- Doing a Win Hof breathing meditation
- Listening to my calm app in bed
- A beautiful sunrise and sunset
- Going round to my best mates in my Pjs and slippers
- Looking at the stars
- Flicking through photo albums of when we were kids
- Getting into clean sheets in bed
- Talking to my therapist
- Being on time
- Swimming with my niece
- Writing in my journal
- Taking a walk when I can’t think clearly
- Blocking my day into manageable chunks
- The smell and sound of the sea
- The smell of incense
- Remembering to be hopeful
What’s on your calm list?